


Everything that I need is right here with me

by TORUKAisJUSTICE



Series: [CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR A SERIES TITLE] [12]
Category: ONE OK ROCK
Genre: Before I, But I'll still?, Damn, I'm in a mess, Look what I've done, M/M, Toruka - Freeform, Write this shit and leave it here?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 05:40:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14867687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TORUKAisJUSTICE/pseuds/TORUKAisJUSTICE
Summary: “Talk,” Taka drawled, like he’s testing the sound of it on his tongue, “Is this aboutyour girl, hmmm?”





	Everything that I need is right here with me

**Author's Note:**

> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I AM SO DONE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
> I tried to be fucking matured about it, heck, I'm already 22 years old and I should really be nice and positive and doing the "cheering up" to others but my inbox was bombed yesterday with the news (why are you all sending them to me, I'm not their manager, but hey please do because Toru looks good on the pics) and I felt like my whole world is shaking and crumbling down?  
> I want to remain silent as I can be coz Ashe-san and 10969Mima knows how awful, how horrible I am when it comes to these rumors. And I don't want to be a hypocrite telling that I'm happy for him, that they look good together, that I can hear the wedding bells (fucking hell), and all the shits everyone is saying and I REALLY APOLOGIZE FOR BEING A COMPLETE IMMATURE, SELFISH, DELUSIONAL ASS.  
> DREAMERS will be in a **hiatus** (as well as HTMHF) for now, until I finished (crying) writing their drafts. I apologize for this. I hope that this will die down like the Asada Mai rumor or Toru would admit shits or else *shrugs* 
> 
>  
> 
> And so, this is my take on the recent event. The story in the real world is still in development and I would probably delete this shit if someone would make a statement of it. But until then, I will lock myself in my world of fantasies here in AO3 for the mean time until someone would slap me really, really hard or someone (ehem Toru) would make things official, so I can finally move on.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is purely fictional.
> 
> Also, you can now see HTMHF's Toru's back in monochrome. Here's the link: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=198509767644809&set=a.155092915319828.1073741831.100024573619781&type=3&theater

“Are you sure you don’t wanna hang out more, Takahiro?”

Taka snorted and stopped pushing their leader into their shared hotel room in London when Tomoya suddenly appeared behind them. He heard Toru groaned, tired and snappy and Taka is _perceptive enough_ to know that it will just take another high-pitched giggle or whine from their drummer to make their ever-grumpy leader snap like _fuck._

_Someone’s in the bad mood, huuuuh._

“Yup,” he answered, flashing a bright smile to the drummer, “So you can now kindly fuck off, Tomoya~!” he said in a sing-sang manner. The drummer flinched at that— _years and years_ of being with the vocalist and experiencing most of his tantrums and bullying makes him smart enough not to push his luck whenever Taka is smiling like that.

Widely, flashing all of his pearl-white teeth—his eyes squinted and glinting under the soft light of the lobby.

“O-oh, okay then,” Tomoya said, obviously getting the hints that he’ll have _one hell of a beating_ if he won’t scram off, “Just go there if you wanna join us, ne?”

“ _Hai, hai_ —,”

“Have a nice evening!” the drummer said before dashing off, his curly hair bouncing as he practically ran away for his life. Taka sighed, grinned, before turning his attention to a very grumpy Toru-san who’s looking down at him with a completely bored and annoyed face.

He tilted his head, smile still on his lips just to annoy the man even further—because that’s what lovers do, right?

_No?_

_Whatever._

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, feigning innocence.

Toru blankly stared at him, and Taka was once more mesmerized, lost in those dark pool surrounded with even darker skin because let’s not kid ourselves here, Toru-san always, _always_ managed to get himself looking like shit whenever they’re making new songs.

Good thing that he’s still so _devilishly handsome_ even if he looks like a zombie most of the time.

_And good thing that I’m also irrevocably attracted into this piece of grumpy shit or else—_

“Nothing,” Toru said, his shoulder slumping in defeat, “Can we just go in to, _I don’t know_ ,” he shrugged, “Sleep or something?”

Taka arched a brow at that, “Well, we could do the _something_ —,”

“Taka.”

“What?”

“Just open the goddamned door.”

Taka cringed at that low voice of their leader. _Toru-san sure is not in the mood for shits tonight huh?_ He huffed before sliding the card key and pushing the door open for the younger man, “ _Hai, hai,_ your fucking majesty. I’m not your fucking slave, you know?”

To his surprise, Toru didn’t immediately run inside the room, but instead, stayed rooted on his spot, smirking down at him with the familiar annoying and oh-so amused look on his handsome face, “Eh? But you sure loves calling me _Mast_ —,”

“ _GAAAH!!!_ ” Taka’s scream pierced the silence of the hallway as he violently surged forward to push the dumb gachapin inside, “Don’t fucking say that aloud, you _hentai_ stalking piece of shit ahhhh!!!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Toru was tired, _exhausted to be honest._

This day has started with him flying all the way from the United States just to do some recording with Dan earlier. He was really against it, coz why do the shits in some other countries instead of doing it in Taka’s house? Besides, he hates flying _like_ he hates those girls flirting around with Takahiro and what’s worse is that, Taka said that he would just go after him coz he needs to take care of some shits in L.A. before flying to London.

You should’ve seen his face when Taka dropped them off in the airport. Jamil looks nervously between the two of them, the air cackling with sparks and tension around them. Taka smiled brightly up at him while Toru blankly stared down at his lover, his blood sizzling with an annoyance because the midget _sure looks like he’s enjoying sending Toru off to god-knows-where all by himself._

The day went by in a kinda peaceful manner, well, _let’s just ditch_ the part when he feels like he’s been hit by a fucking train after they’ve landed.

It was all well and Taka had messaged him that he’s already on his way and Toru was kinda glad for that because he could finally recharge and have his _evil ways_ with his lover but then—

But then the fucking news broke out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Oof!”

His back landed on one of the two huge beds inside the room as he unceremoniously plopped himself on it. Taka is somewhere inside the room, and judging by the sounds of bags being opened and the rumpling of fabrics, the midget is probably planning to take a bath to soothe his muscles or something.

“What do you wanna wear, Toru?” Taka asked from somewhere, “The black or blue one?”

 _The news broke out_ , Toru grimly thought as he stared at the elaborate ceiling designs above him, before he answered, “I didn’t bring a blue shirt, idiot.”

“I mean the boxers!” Toru almost gaged at that because why is Taka deciding his clothes—underwear—for him _!? Is he my mom?! Well, not even my mom asked me that shit, so why?!_

Toru wanted to laugh at their current situation. The entire media, and probably all of their fans are _feasting_ now on the news published a few hours ago and here they are, inside a hotel room—with his lover asking him what color of boxers would he want to wear.

_Jesus fucking Christ._

He squeezed his eyes shut, as memories of earlier flooded his mind. He first got a call from their manager, then from the manager, then from everyone else and his IG account has been flooded with shits and crying emoji’s and that goddamned picture. It was burned into his mind, the possible consequences that it might bring to their band—to him, to Ryota and Tomoya and their families, to all of the crews—and most of all, to _Taka._

Taka, who’s busy rummaging through his bag for clothes instead of having a damn confrontation about this shit.

He feels at lost, and flattered, all at the same time because this just shows how the vocalist trusts him, right? Besides, it’s not like Taka didn’t know about the girl. The vocalist was completely aware of that event, but he shrugged it off last week. Pushed him into it, even. How he wished that the media and the entire fucking population would do the same because if not—

If not—

_Then I completely messed up._

As a _leader._

As a _band member._

As his _lover._

He tiredly put his arm over his eyes, the soft yellowish light from the lamp beside the table suddenly became too harsh for him to handle. The feelings and questions and anxieties were all swimming inside his head, making him more spent than usual.

His parents called—heck, even his older brother called—asking if everything is alright, if _Taka and him are still together_ and if he’s gonna be okay with all the storm that’s surely coming for his ass. He tiredly says that he’s fine, that they’re fine and he and Taka will be alright throughout this ordeal. That they should never worry about those things because they will die out, like _flames_ , and people would eventually calm down—the way they did during the Asada Mai rumor.

_Or so he hopes._

“ _Mou_ ,” Taka’s voice pulled him out of his stupor, grounding him when he’s about to fly off towards his dark thoughts, “Stop thinking! I can hear your brain working even here!”

Toru was about to say something snappy like—, _“oh yeah? Can you hear my thoughts about fucking you tonight”—_ but even before he can open his mouth to actually say that, his clothed ankles were suddenly yanked—

“Gah!”

—until his body slid towards the foot of the bed. He abruptly propped himself on his elbows to stared at their vocalist who’s kneeling on the carpeted floor, his brows furrowed in concentration as he skillfully unlaced his shoes.

What. The. _Actual_. Fuck.

He might have said that aloud because Taka is now looking at him with an amused look on his face, while his fingers didn’t stop working his foot out of the confines of his shoes, “Yeah, what the actual fuck, Toru,” he said, making Toru’s jaws hung wide open in surprise, “I know you’re tired and stressed out but it’s still not an excuse to go to bed with your shoes on, ne?”

Then his focus went back to untangling his shoelaces and Toru was left to incredulously stared at his lover’s form—his head softly bobbing up and down with his every motion, humming the tune of their newly composed song as he expertly unraveled those shoelaces like _a fucking pro_ —like they don’t have something important to talk about at the moment.

It _infuriates_ him—the way Taka acts like there’s nothing big happening—his hands fisting the sheets as he patiently watched and waited for the vocalist to do his task.

There would be pictures gonna be circulated in the news and the internet tomorrow.

Pictures that Taka won’t like—because _knowing_ and _actually seeing_ it is a different matter—and here Taka is, acting calm and _mother-ish_ and caring—

“You look tired, Toru-san,” his eyes snapped towards the face of the vocalist— _wait, when did he managed to crawl onto the bed_ —as he stalked towards him on his hands and knees like a fucking predator. Toru gulped, finding those messy strands falling like curtains on his face really attractive. Taka’s almond-shaped eyes that were glinting under the soft light, his skin glowing, where the tattoos greatly contrasted on the milky skin— _when did he even took off his jacket_ —as his lips, those perfectly full lips curled into a teasing smile.

Toru had to swallow again—because he would _be drooling all over the bed_ with how gorgeous and attractive and _oh-so_ seductive Takahiro looks right now—as he tried to leaned away, “I’m not—we need to talk—,”

“ _Talk_ ,” Taka drawled, like he’s testing the sound of it on his tongue, “Is this about _your_ girl, hmmm?” he asked, in a _deceivingly_ innocent manner—tilting his head, eyes wide in curiosity but his lips…a huge, teasing smile is still plastered on it and—

“Damn you,” he glared, “You’re making me nervous with all this shit! Can we just talk about it already?!”

Taka threw his head back in laughter, the sound so pure and heavenly that Toru almost forgot all the shit-storm that’s probably coming or him— _for them_ —when they get back to Japan, and for a moment, he wished—he prayed—that _this_ won’t have to end.

That the sound, the sight of Taka laughing like a fucking lunatic while his practically sitting on his lap would never have to fade away.

He wants to stay _here._

Where it’s warm, where it’s safe, where _Taka is._

He wants to stay _here._

 _Away_ from those eyes, _away_ from those gossips, _away_ from everything the media and their fans have in store for him and the girl.

And that’s when he realized that this is probably how Taka feels—every time he was seen with girls, with people he just randomly hangs out with in the past; when people were losing all their shits about their vocalist hugging Rola and girls every now and then. This is probably how Taka felt all those times that made him finally snap and rant and say all those things over his Instagram account.

And…

_And…_

“Oh, we’re _gonna_ talk about it, Toru-san,” Taka’s voice sounded so distant, he’s vaguely aware of it because Toru’s mind—the pervert—chose to focus on the feeling of this warm hands splayed on his chest as Taka pushed him down— _pushed and pushed_ —until he’s completely laying down on his back, staring at the teasing face of his vocalist.

Taka looks so _good._

Taka looks _so strong._

And…he wonders if this is _how_ he looks whenever he’s there, comforting Taka and telling him that the people would definitely forget all of the rumors as times pass by. He wonders if this is how he looked— _flippant and nonchalant_ —whenever there’s another news or gossip broke up. He wonders if this is how Taka looks at him— _wide-eyed, confused, scared, needy_ , but with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and adoration for him.

“But first, we need to make you feel relaxed and shits, ne?”

_No._

Toru wanted to say no, that this is not the right time for it— _when will ever be a right time_ —but then, Taka is already making his move—his nimble fingers gliding down his chest, his sides, before they tugged on the hem of his turtleneck shirt—before he’s already pulling it up, off his head, and leaving his hair in a horrible mess.

“Off you go~!”

“Don’t treat me like a kid— _oomph_ —,”

He didn’t even manage to finish that sentence because Taka is clumsily leaning down—his fingers clutching his hair, the dark stands spilling between milky white fingers—and captured his lips in a heated kiss. Toru’s mouth parted in shock which the vocalist happily took advantage of—pushing his tongue in, the slick muscle roaming, plundering, _owning every nook and cranny of his mouth_ —

Taka moaned into his mouth when Toru’s arms rose and wrapped themselves around the vocalist’s hips, pushing that ass on his clothed half-erection. The first contact sends shivers running through his spine and when Taka did grinded his butt on the obvious bulge, Toru is already seeing stars—

_Missed—I missed—_

He can hear the rustles of clothes, Taka’s harsh breathing and their hearts madly beating beneath their own chests—loud and clear as if they’re crying, longing, _screaming for each other’s—_

“ _Toru_ ,” Taka whispered against his lips—his breath moist and warm and fanning all over his own—, “You really shouldn’t…” he planted a soft kiss, and another one until Toru is finally surging forward—tired of being impassive—as he did whatever Taka was doing earlier— _licking and sucking and biting_ his way on those plump, swollen lips until they almost bleed, until Taka is suddenly leaning away, trying to get some air for his over-used lungs—

“I know…” he rasped out, his hand landing on the vocalist’s face a few centimeters away from his. Taka looks so flustered and disoriented and his glassy eyes and parted, moist lips were just adding fuel to the fire burning into his groin—, “But I can’t…I…”

“You messed up,” Taka deadpanned, as he completely leaned away, slowly—teasingly slowly—slid down from straddling his crotch until he’s seated between Toru’s legs, “ _Heh_ , now I feel like I’m asking you this, Toru-san,” he drawled, a lopsided grin adorning his puffy lips.

Toru gulped at that, trying and failing very hard to not look at the vocalist’s glistening lips and Taka’s position near— _overwhelmingly near_ —the area of his straining dick.

_Gah._

“…what..?”

Taka stared down at him making Toru feel small and weak and anxious and self-conscious and very, very horny because damn Taka looks so fucking _fuckable_ like that—

“So, how do you feel about this mystery woman?” Taka asked and all of a sudden, Toru was sent back to Nagoya, on that huge stage, while he’s annoying the fuck out of their vocalist after his own name was dragged in tabloids. He had asked that to Taka, just for the sake of teasing him and seeing him fidgety in front of thousands of people and, and—

“ _Ahahahahaha!_!!” his head arched back in laughter at that. He couldn’t believe it, haven’t really thought that a _day would come_ that the vocalist would slap that question right back on his face, despite knowing that real story behind the rumors. Another set of warm giggles bubbled out of his chest, with Taka just sighing and clacking his tongue while muttering that he had _already lost his sanity_ or something but Toru couldn’t care— _because this is what Taka probably felt back then_ —he wants to laugh, wants to cry, wants to hug the vocalist, wants to run away—so many _wants_ , so many _desires_ that he couldn’t achieve because life is a bitch and there’s still this _dream_ that they’ve always wanted to do.

“Ahahahahahaha!!!”

It’s so hilarious that this is all because of doing things— _all the things for their dreams_ —and that he’s kinda overthinking about it. Overthinking that Taka would throw a huge fuss about it, even if he’s the one who actually pushed Toru to do it.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“Why not?” Taka said as he put his phone down, and stare at Toru with a knowing gleam on his eyes, “This is a perfect chance to have connections with them.”

Toru glanced at his lover over the rim of his cup. Taka is wise, and focused on their foals that he’ll surely do anything or it— _risk everything for it_ —which hurts and scares him sometimes—like _now._

“I mean, they have banned us for _years_ …” Taka flippantly said before looking at him with a serious, slightly worried face, “Would you do it, Toru?”

Toru calmly sipped his coffee before putting the cup down. His blood is still thrumming in his veins, the post-coital bliss made his entire system relaxed even if it’s already hours after they rolled over the damn sheets. Taka has to go back to L.A. again, and this time, Toru would have to remain and go out with a certain girl.

 _He’s still the leader_ —the _same one_ who personally booked their lives in their first years, the _same one_ who would go to various radio stations with Taka to promote their songs.

 _Of course he would do it_ because that fact doesn’t change even as years went by.

_Just for the band._

“ _Heh,_ ” he smirked, leaning back on his chair as he regarded the vocalist with the same look he had when they first officially broke up, “Anything for our band, Taka.”

_Anything for our dreams._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“Mou! Stop laughing!!!” Taka complained— _down there_ —and Toru was suddenly brought back to the present, with Taka kneeling, his fingers busy on unbuckling his belt, “It’s your fault that the media is all over that meeting! I told you to be careful!”

Toru made a strangled sound at the back of his throat at that. He really needs to focus, but he can hear the buckle of his belt getting undone, the sound of his zipper being ripped open has never been so _exciting_ for his ears—

“ _Maa,_ yeah but—,”

“But you _fucked u_ p,” Taka said, at the same time that he freed his erection from the confines of his boxers and pants. Toru’s breath hitched at that, the feeling of the older man’s hand— _warm and soft_ —around his member is too much for his already muddled up brain, that he couldn’t even try to smack him for saying that so casually.

 _She was clingy_ —he wanted to say—but Taka is already looking at his dick like it’s a piece of art, tilting his head like a curious cat before he traitorously licked his lips in a hungry manner—

_Jesus—_

“So, what got you distracted, Toru?” he asked, which is really annoying coz his dick needs more _attention._ Toru’s being a hypocrite now; he’s the one who wanted to talk about this issue but _can’t Taka take the fucking hint?_ He’s so aroused and needy and this fucking bastard is still talking like he’s not holding his dick?!

_—just fucking suck it already—_

“You _used_ to be careful,” Taka said, making him to meet those suddenly serious eyes—his brows knitting in confusion with the sudden change on the vocalist’s emotions, “You had hidden your previous girlfriends very well in the past years. You’re very good at that—,”

“Well, I don’t post every shit in my SNS—,”

“—so what got you distracted this time, Toru?” that came out like a whisper, heavy and filled with unspoken emotions—was that doubt? Fear _? Betrayal?_ —, “Was she… _was she...?”_

_Oh you fucking bipolar asshole, don’t you dare to fucking pull that shit on me—_

“She said that she likes you.”

…

…

…

It was hilarious to see how Taka’s face suddenly went blank—his eyes dead and dimmed before it went awfully wide, his mouth hanging open as a grin quickly split across his face—his entire being glowing, _brightening up_ —

“Wha— _ahahahahahahahaha!_!!” he threw his head back in laughter, the dick on his hand completely forgotten as he laughed merrily, like a careless, innocent young boy-- _except_ that he’s not that _young_ anymore and that he’s obviously not innocent, _just look at my dick that he’s squeezing right now_ —

“Ah, _fuck, fuck_ —,” Toru groaned as he pries the vocalist’s hand from his aching erection, “Do you want to rip it off, you dumbass?!”

“Ah— _ahahahahaha_ gomen _ahahahaha_ —,” Taka said, sounding _not-apologetic at all,_ before he licked his lips and glanced down at him again, “Well, that’s _a nice plot twist_ , Toru-san. It reminds me of the girl I went out with during our younger years? You remember her?”

Toru grunted, why would he forget that girl who’s become his nightmare because she would always ask Taka to go out with her? _And this bastard is so gracious to indulge her, dammit!_

“Yeah,” he timidly answered making Taka giggle a bit more.

“I was so shocked when she said that she likes you,” the vocalist mournfully shook his head as he reminisced those days, “That she’s just hanging out with me coz she wants to be closer to you. That sucks, huh?”

“Oh yeah?” he raised a brow at that—his patience wearing thin _because hello_ , his dick is still exposed to the open air and Taka is doing nothing to engulf it into his mouth—, “But you still went out with her every time she asked you!”

“It’s because I’m a _gentleman_ , mou!” Taka huffed before he leaned forward, propping his entire frame on his hands—arms caging Toru’s face as he stared down at him with a soft look on his face. Toru meet those gazes, wondering how Taka would react if he would just cross the distance between their lips, wondering if Taka would _scream in indignation_ if he would just flip them over and have his rough way into him. There’s a lot of things going through his mind right now—the news, the choice to say something about it, the consequences of his carelessness, everyone’s reaction, their fans’ reaction, the album they’re making right now, Taka’s words in their concert last year _— “we are not idols, please don’t forget, we are a rock band—no matter what the media criticizes, no matter what strangers say, we will push on forward on our own path”_ —

But as he took into their vocalist’s face, those fringes falling onto the sides of his cheeks, like curtains casting him in shadows—all that Toru could feel is _this overwhelming respect_ for this person who made it through—amidst all the rumors, the scandals, all the times the media’s attempt to drag him down—from the moment he was born, from that time before he left the entertainment world and the succeeding rumors about his love life—Taka had went through it all and made it out— _stronger, bolder, and more rational than he’ll ever be._

And Toru can feel his heart expanding, _bigger and broader_ , until he can’t breathe anymore, until all that he can feel is Taka’s eyes on him, until he can only hear Taka’s breathing and madly pounding of his heart—which has been his lullaby for years—until he can only feel the love— _the tremendous love_ he has for Takahiro.

“So,” Taka said, mumbled as he slowly moved closer, their lips touching, moving as they breathe and speak soft words, “…can we go to the fucking now, Toru-san...?”

Toru lovingly stared up at him—wondering how Taka would laugh when he sees the pictures tomorrow or the next day—before he finally finds the strength to respond.

“No,” Taka’s brows immediately furrowed at that but Toru was quick to pull him close, until he landed on top of him with an indignant _“oof!”_

“You fucking—,”

“Let’s just stay like this for a while…” he sleepily mumbled, fingers automatically threading through Taka’s hair. The vocalist looked up at him in confusion—eyes shining in worry, realization and finally, acceptance—before he smiled, softly, his hands splayed on his shoulders as he nuzzled his cheek on his bare chest.

“Fine,” he mumbled, “Let’s rest for now, ne, Toru-san?”

He nodded. This day has been exhausting, the next ones will be too, he’s sure of that but it doesn’t matter anymore because he’s here—where it’s _warm_ , where it’s _safe_ — _where Takahiro is._

_Ah…this is a good time to rest…_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for all the time, for everyone who read my shits for almost a year now.
> 
>  
> 
> -the translations about the MC in the Ambitions Japan Tour was from 10rukastyle's IG stories.  
> -the part where a girl supposedly went out with Taka because she likes Toru is legit. I think they've said it in a radio program back then.  
> -Taka and Toru's vague conversation is based from a news/gossip site I've visited early this morning, where they pointed out that fact that OOR is not allowed to the Music Station shits because of Taka's previous affiliation with Johnny's Entertainment. This is kinda manipulative on my part but come on, I'm already delusional here so let's take it to another level ne?


End file.
